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Topic: Crackpot theories

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Lyanna Stark
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RE: Crackpot theories
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WildSeed wrote:
Aegon the Conqueror wrote:

So this is probably batshit, but depending on the timeline it could be true, what if Pathface is Gerion Lannister?

 Tyrion would know for sure.

 Heheheh, yep, that!



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Cary Storm
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Macha wrote:

But the Blackfish, now that's an interesting one. Some think he's the hooded man in Winterfell but I don't think he could have made it that far in such a short time. I'm guessing he's still in the Riverlands somewhere.

 No, the hooded man is Rhaegar. Aren't you keeping up with things? 



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Tir Airgid
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So... I don't want ot upset anyone here, but... you gotta face it. Bran ate Jojen.

No, don't look at me like that! It's cannon.If you read between the lines you can see Jojen was sacrificed to the old gods by the Bloodraven, and served to Bran as weirwood paste, to help with his inniciation. That is why the weirwood paste tasted like blood and why at the end of the chapter they can't find Jojen. And it is also the reason behind Jojen's increasing dread and apprehension, he must have known what was going to happen, with his greensight and all. But being a true beliver, he gave himself in sacrifice.



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Macha
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Interesting, because there's a popular theory suggesting that the hooded man in Winterfell is Theon's alter-ego. You mean to tell me that....Theon is Rhaegar?! Everything makes sense now!

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Tir Airgid
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You know, I scuffed at it at first, but after thinking it through... It actually DOES make sense. It would explain a lot of things. And what's more... It'd be VERY Martin.



-- Edited by Tir Airgid on Wednesday 10th of October 2012 11:31:20 AM

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Cary Storm
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Okay, that Bran eats Jojen theory has freaked me the fuck out.

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Aegon the Conqueror
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The wolves will come again? Little Robb Westerling/Maegyr. Could be they changed the character simply cause she gets pregnant and this way they don't have to cast her mother and the rest of the family.

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Macha
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But if Jeyne *is* pregnant, why the subplot about her moher giving her moon tea? In my opinion, that's what made her and Robb's relationship even more tragic. They were young, they loved each other, he was king. And yet he dies without direct heirs and his kingdom falls apart. And while I'm sure not all of the Stark children will survive, or return in full strength, I think they're all in some position of power at the moment. Rickon is chillin' among fierce northmen with Davos on the way to take him back, Sansa is safe and learning to play the game, Arya is on her way to become a killing machine (with great looks, as an added bonus), and Bran is a Time Lord. tardislove
Do we really need another baby Stark? I'm inclined to say no. Unless it's Benjen's, and he's been on paternity leave this whole time.

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Aegon the Conqueror
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Well some people would argue another Targeryen was not necessary. GRRM just might be crackpot enough to do this.

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Aegon the Conqueror
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\bloody hell I have got to read Dance again, I can't remember this. That's it BloodRaven is evil!

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Macha
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@Tir First, I love your smiley. Albinos everywhere!

Second - I'm sure that's the way it happened. So I'm gonna carry on smoking that crackpot.
I think there are subtle clues in the text. I had a few written down on my second re-read of ADwD:


"The moon was a crescent, thin and sharp as the blade of a knife."

This appears several times in Bran's chapters (can't remember if it's just the last one).

Then you have this:

"When singers die they become part of that godhood.” Bran’s eyes widened. “They’re going to kill me?”“No,” Meera said. “Jojen, you’re scaring him.” “He is not the one who needs to be afraid.”

This heavily implies that Jojen thinks one of their party should be afraid. Add this to GRRM beating us over the head with Jojen's "this is not the day I die", until one day he disappears (after growing more and more depressed), and you'll have a very solid theory, and I dare to say the only one that makes sense. The weirwood paste tastes like blood because it is blood (mixed with whatever). The sacrifice Bran sees in front of the heart tree, the repeated comparisons between the red of the weirwood trees and blood, the magical properties of the weirwood. These trees are born or maintained through sacrifice, and I'm willing to bet Jojen's sacrifice will augment the powers of either Bran or Bloodraven. Or both, since I'm sure Bloodraven is not going anywhere. Maybe that's the way he prolonged his life. In either case, cannibalism seems to have been brought up into the foreground in ADwD. 



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andrea
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Tir Airgid wrote:

So... I don't want ot upset anyone here, but... you gotta face it. Bran ate Jojen.

No, don't look at me like that! It's cannon.If you read between the lines you can see Jojen was sacrificed to the old gods by the Bloodraven, and served to Bran as weirwood paste, to help with his inniciation. That is why the weirwood paste tasted like blood and why at the end of the chapter they can't find Jojen. And it is also the reason behind Jojen's increasing dread and apprehension, he must have known what was going to happen, with his greensight and all. But being a true beliver, he gave himself in sacrifice.

 freakout Who are you???

The twisted part is that I think this is the only theory (or one of the few) I've read that actually makes sense... and it's really a wacky one. I´ve got to read that chapter again.

:dark Tir:



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Rygar
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Poor Bran. And all he has ever wanted was to eat Meera.

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YvyB
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Hmmm, I must admit the only thing I kept noticing was the blooming moon always being mentioned ....Now I am gutted I've missed a theory ....

Rygar ! Trust you! :)

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Tir Airgid
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I was also thinking, given how much Osha is liked and how they've handled the characters up to now (she and rickon are still with them), had it been just for the "dreamer" thing, the Reeds could have been completely cut. And if introducing one for Bran to daydream about, it'd have been Meera. I was actually surprised when they both were announced to be "in" this season. But if the story IS heading this way, then there is no way they can be cut, and Jojen HAS to be there.

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Macha
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I read a theory the other day and thought I'd share it, it seemed interesting to me. There were many details I thought to be not so much far fetched, but without textual evidence to support them. But there was one thing that stood out - that the Others might be originally from The Shadow - thus explaining the eastern origin of the Azor Ahai prophecy. We know that GRRM intended to 'visit' Asshai in one of the books, presumably Dany would have reached Westeros not from the east, but from the west. She seems like the most likely candidate to get there, especially given the 'to go west you must go east" thing. Anyway, it's a popular belief that Dany would battle the Others (meh...) and in this case her passing 'beneath the shadow' could have given her some information on how to handle them?
Just laying it out there, not sure what to make of it yet. wight 



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Aegon the Conqueror
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I agree with the reaching Westeros from the West thing. Plus Asshai seems a pretty interesting place to visit.

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Amsterpaul
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Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion is GRRM's admittedly favorite character. That said, he's dead for sure. But by The Seven if he survives it will be with Penny. While on this search for "wherever whores go," he will come to love Penny. He becomes lord of the Rock. The man who some how brings honor back to the Westerlands.





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And so he spoke and so he spoke

that lord of Castemere

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Macha
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@Amsterpaul 

*This is not crackpot at all, btw. We had a general topic for speculation, but lately we didn't use it so much because we wanted to encourage members to open new (and more to the point) topics of their own. But here it is. I do encourage you to start a new topic if you have a theory of your own though, and if a similar topic doesn't exist already. We're building this forum as we go along. 

Now, back to Tyrion. I think the same thing might happen. I do wish for him to come to love Penny, maybe because she's so different from the women that usually attract him. But I won't get my hopes up. I don't think that GRRM will kill him, no. Tyrion seems to have plot-armor, and quite a tough one. GRRM will torture him, but he won't kill him. Cersei and Jaime are dead for sure, so Tyrion will live. And it`ll make an interesting twist, the fact that Tywin's least loved son will turn out to be the one who inherits the Rock in the end.   



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Aegon the Conqueror
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Too bad Tywin won't see it.

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Amsterpaul
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Samwell Tarly. what will become of Sam. When he graduates from the Citidel he goes to the wall a dies with everyone else. Damn it.

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And so he spoke and so he spoke

that lord of Castemere

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Without a soul to hear.

Macha
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To hell with it, this is the crackpot thread so I'm just gonna say it. Sam will kill Jon. As a mercy, because Jon will be going all Darth Vader on the Watch. MUHAHAHA! zombify

Sam will live. He'll spend his remaining days sewing, reading Narnia and having sex.

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Tir Airgid
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Macha wrote:

Sam will live. He'll spend his remaining days sewing, reading Narnia and having sex.

 Yes! I love this. Only I wish he spend his days reading LOTR instead. I'd love to read his thoughts on Samwise Gamgee...



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“Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.”

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Amsterpaul
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Jon Snow. Lives in an Ice Dragon for eternity. He will rebuild the wall and freeze Alister Thorne in it. Then he will fly to KL to chill the beer for the royals. There, is that crackpot enough?

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And so he spoke and so he spoke

that lord of Castemere

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Without a soul to hear.

Macha
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Rebuild the wall...after Sam brings it down with his fat pink...err I mean his mighty Horn of Joramun!

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Aegon the Conqueror
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Just got an image of Sam hitting the wall with his kraken. Just hope it doesn't get stuck.

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Amsterpaul
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thats funny!

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And so he spoke and so he spoke

that lord of Castemere

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Tir Airgid
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Just stumbled upon this jewel: The Merling Theory. Copying it from here

1.When Arya is stalking Varys and Illyrio:
1a. She hears water dripping in the distance.
1b. Next she observes Illyrio and Varys coming up from a vast 'well'(this is the word GRRM uses) that goes down out of sight.
1c. Varys pulls a lever and a wall descends blocking the well from sight.
1d. After the two come up, Arya trails them for quite a long distance, gradually descending.
1e. Finally she loses them, stumbles forward and finds herself at the end of a sewer emptying into the river. She dives in and swims for a while to get clean, washes her clothes, then scampers off home.

2. Varys and Illyrio are both noted for their abnormally large size, while also noted as being incredibly light on their feet. This suggests an abnormal strength.

3. Varys is noted to have a peculiar, slimy smile. This could be interpreted to mean he does not show his teeth, and that could be because he has very abnormal teeth.

4. When Tyrion threatened to throw Varys overboard, Varys retorted that he would be sursprised at the result.

5. There is noted to be no bed in Vary's quarters. If he is a Merling he would likely sleep at sea or like most fish perhaps not at all.

6a. Another character we know with peculiar teeth is Biter, another abnormally large man with enourmous strength.
6b. The idea that this barely sentient being sat around and filed all his teeth just to scare people is absurd.

7. Varys and Illyrio both associate humans with birds, naturally as these are two lower species to them. Explains the ease with which they chop off children's tongues.

8. From their one meeting, it appears that the Merlings are experts at manipulating the humans in secret. And also there is a hint these two have plenty of patience, they seem to be comfortable waiting years for their plans to bear fruit. Perhaps they have very long lifespans or are just more patient than humans.

9. When the subject of eating people came up, Varys licked his lips.

10a. Varys likely is not a Eunuch, as there is a point where he is parlaying with Tyrion where Tyrion notes that his voice seemed deeper than usual.
10b. Even if he is a Eunuch, it doesn't mean he has to be human.

12. Since he probably isn't Eunuch, Vary's lack of sexual interest in human females is explained by being a Merling.

13. Littlefinger comes from a seafaring merchant family of Braavos and is an accomplished sailor himself, if anyone is likely to ever see the reclusive Merlings, it's the merchants and fisherman.

14. One of Littlefinger's ships is named 'The Merling King'.

15. Littlefinger claims to have Varys completely under his control.

16. House Manderly. Hugely fat, port city, can't ride a horse, they even have a Merling as their house crest. Wyman Manderly bakes Freys into pies.

17. With no readily apparent motivation, Ser Mandon Moore tried to murder Tyrion on the Blackwater. When thrown overboard, it is noted he did not scream.

18. Mandon Moore is referred to repeatedly as having dead eyes or fish eyes, and of having "no life but duty".

19. Before being attacked, Tyrion had just set Blackwater Bay on fire using wildfire which would be deadly to any creatures living underneath.

20. The Drowned God. Very handy to have a large group of humans willing to do anything for you, and it provides a ready source of spies in places of power, such as Patchface, who often tells riddles about life under the sea.

21. Doesn't it seem suspicious that Euron Greyjoy was so well prepared for the Kingsmoot? Almost as though he knew that this ancient ritual for selecting a ruler would resurrected -- almost as if it was done specifically for him. Perhaps Euron has been playing his brother Aeron for a fool by filling his head with "voices from the sea".

22. Davos Seaworth's visit from the "The Mother" may have actually been a siren or a mermaid. After his rescue, Davos was primed and determined to kill Melisandre. Like Aeron and Patchface, it seems Davos's drowning may have filled his head with ideas.

23. In a Feast for Crows, Brienne is told about 'squishers' by one of her companions. They are described as man eating fish people that walk on two feet.

24. If you were to give a baby the name Varys in our world today, it would mean the following: Varys - Vari - Stream; Varish - Sleeping on the Sea

25. What do Varys and Illyrio want with Dragons? This is more speculative, but consider that:
25a. When you bring Ice and Fire together, you get water.

26b. Is it as simple as this? Bring the dragons north and melt the Ice, including perhaps the entire Wall. What you have done then is raise the coastlines around the entire world. Magical global melting...
What do the merlings get out of it? Liebensraum. More ocean real estate.
26c. If the flooding were extreme enough, only a few islands would remain, places like the Eyrie.
26d. Littlefinger, "The Merling King", has made his seat the Eyrie.
26e. If this theory is correct, Littlefinger would have been made King by Merlings, giving a new take on the meaning to the ship's name.

----

I feel like doing this:

robert-deniro-laughing.gif

but then I think of martin and i'm like this:

1306626161550125.gif


oh please martin don't even THINK about going there!!!!!!!!!!



-- Edited by Tir Airgid on Monday 7th of January 2013 10:28:37 AM

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Macha
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I have heard of the Varys is a merling theory before but THIS? Stooop! My guts will spill out from all the laughter. If GRRM comes up with merlings I'm going to f****** lose it.

Oh and btw, I think there's a mistake: Varys does have a bed, doesn't Tyrion go into his quarters at one point and comments on the roughness and austerity of it?

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Tir Airgid
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Oh I don't remember about Vary's bed but OMG this deserves all the crackpotery prices that ever was or will be!



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“Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.”

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Cary Storm
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Shut up. There's a sleeping dragon under the Wall and Jon wargs into just after the events of ADWD.

patchface I know, oh-oh-oh.

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Macha
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The sleeping dragon under the Wall? Oh you mean Patchface. Sure, it fits. patchface



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DonalNoyesArm
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The last paragraph from the last book in ASOIAF series:

Bran woke up with a start, "easy, rest easy, master Bran" said a relieved Maester Luwin.
"Seems you took quite a tumble from the tower, but your ever watchful friend Hodor caught you just in time!"
"But I saw....I saw..." Bran muttered, "Yes I know, the guards caught those two in the act moments later" Luwin said,
"King Robert was furious and has ordered a double execution on the morrow. "Cersei and Jaime can keep doing their
devilish dance in the seven hells."

Bran did not know what to think, Luwin saw his confusion, "I am sorry if the dreamwine gave you nightmares master Bran, but you needed the rest, and it seems your legs have mended well, Ser Rodrick said you can continue your training as soon as your are back on your feet.

"So, it was all a dream?" Bran couldn't believe it, "all a dream" said the Maester with his warm smile. "Now back to sleep young one, your father leaves for Kings Landing and you need to be rested to ride by his side".

troll


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Macha
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Don, baby. I understand, you have funfiction needs. But promise us NEVER to pull something like that in our story.

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YvyB
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Funny Don ! I like it :)

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DonalNoyesArm
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Hahahaha! Idea!!!!

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andrea
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Don... wut? qué es esto Señor???



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andrea
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24. If you were to give a baby the name Varys in our world today, it would mean the following: Varys - Vari - Stream; Varish - Sleeping on the Sea
25. What do Varys and Illyrio want with Dragons? This is more speculative, but consider that:
25a. When you bring Ice and Fire together, you get water.
26b. Is it as simple as this? Bring the dragons north and melt the Ice, including perhaps the entire Wall. What you have done then is raise the coastlines around the entire world. Magical global melting...
What do the merlings get out of it? Liebensraum. More ocean real estate.
26c. If the flooding were extreme enough, only a few islands would remain, places like the Eyrie.

 

What is all these about mah Varys??? I´m drowning here! Oh I´d love this. So much bs. Merlings? WUT.

Macha: did Tyrion said something about a bed? you know, "roughness and austerity" could means= no bed. TROLOLOL. evileye



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"I´d not prolongued the chewing up, Doc. Nor the being spat out. Not go out a cunt. It´s the dispatch I find inglorious. The whole delusory fucking self importance.". Al Swedgin ;).

 

 

 
Tir Airgid
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This is my favourite:

When you bring Ice and Fire together, you get water.

eyeroll




-- Edited by Tir Airgid on Tuesday 8th of January 2013 08:14:29 AM

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“Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.”

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Macha
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NO. In ASoS (I think when he escapes from KL?) Tyrion goes into Varys' quarters and mentiones a stone-hard bed. I am not crazy!

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Macha
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Tir Airgid wrote:

This is my favourite:

When you bring Ice and Fire together, you get water.

eyeroll

 I keep telling you the Song of Ice and Fire is Patchface's (water duuh), but nobody. ever. listens!



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Cary Storm
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I haven't read this anywhere yet, but I apologize if it's unoriginal. Apparently every theory about A Song of Ice and Fire has already been invented.

Okay, here goes. Jon Connington brings greyscale to Westeros. Most people die.

Except: Shireen Baratheon is already immune to it. And Jon Snow is already dead.

Jon Snow, being Rhaegar's child, marries Shireen Baratheon, who is the legitimate heir after Stannis.

They all live happily ever after. Except those that died.

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Macha
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Cary Storm wrote:

They all live happily ever after. Except those that died.

  This is crack gold right here. It reminds me of this.



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YvyB
Goddess of Tits and Wine
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and Tyrion is immune ! Yeah !

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Cary Storm
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YvyB wrote:

and Tyrion is immune ! Yeah !

 That's right. Jon can't marry Shireen becuase he's effectively dead.  Tyrion will marry Shireen. He's intact.  And already is Lord of Casterly Rock. And he's Aerys' illegitimate child. Or Rhaegar, I don't remember which.  (irony, Tywin thinks he's completely his.)   Between the two of them they will have Dany's heirs. Because Dany can't have children. Shireen is descended from Aegon IV Targaryen anyway.  

Sort of like the end of Children of Dune, with Leto II, Ghanima and Harq al'Ada.  Because he can't have children. 

 



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Macha
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Cary Storm wrote:

 Tyrion will marry Shireen. He's intact.  And already is Lord of Casterly Rock. And he's Aerys' illegitimate child. Or Rhaegar, I don't remember which.  (irony, Tywin thinks he's completely his.)   Between the two of them they will have Dany's heirs. Because Dany can't have children.

 719368.jpg



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YvyB
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H aha ha I love that Owl Macha !


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Tir Airgid
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Cary Storm wrote:
YvyB wrote:

and Tyrion is immune ! Yeah !

 That's right. Jon can't marry Shireen becuase he's effectively dead.  Tyrion will marry Shireen. He's intact.  And already is Lord of Casterly Rock. And he's Aerys' illegitimate child. Or Rhaegar, I don't remember which.  (irony, Tywin thinks he's completely his.)   Between the two of them they will have Dany's heirs. Because Dany can't have children. Shireen is descended from Aegon IV Targaryen anyway.  

Sort of like the end of Children of Dune, with Leto II, Ghanima and Harq al'Ada.  Because he can't have children. 

 

tumblr_mgya34KvO71rfx3ffo1_500.gif

Gimme back my mushrooms Cary!



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Cary Storm
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Macha wrote:
Cary Storm wrote:

 Tyrion will marry Shireen. He's intact.  And already is Lord of Casterly Rock. And he's Aerys' illegitimate child. Or Rhaegar, I don't remember which.  (irony, Tywin thinks he's completely his.)   Between the two of them they will have Dany's heirs. Because Dany can't have children.

 719368.jpg

 IT IS FUCKING KNOWN!



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Tir Airgid
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shireen is the third head of the dragon, which is going to be woken from the stone, and she's the only one who can mount it cause her desease makes her immune.
(tumblr dixit)

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“Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.”

― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods.

 
 

 
 
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